Help me understand what happened with Rupert...please

To say I am not dealing with this well is an understatement, I hone sly just want to go to sleep and never wake up, he was my life more than my life, everyone loved Rupert. He was funny, quirky spunky loving and so much more.
The vet did an autopsy and they found free blood in him abdomen, acute blood loss in his right kidney that was adhered to his liver lobe.
There was no sign of a tumor or cancer. This was the best I could do writing it down when she called.
How could this have happened. I just can't wrap my head around it.
My husband is brining June in tomorrow I just can't go back there and he will talk with her more.
I had a dream a few months ago I lost him not to deat but lost out of his crate and I have been paranoid ever since. My dream came true
I have never felt this much pain and loss in my entire life.

(((Donna)))) I hope your hubby gets a more complete answer for you when he takes June there. Did the vet say the kidney was adhered to the liver? That could be a birth defect, but I will yield to people who might know more.

I remember you posted a week or two ago about how he swelled up from a bug bite or sting and you had to take him in. Could that sting has hurt him internally in some way? Your husband could ask the vet that. I think that was the only thing different in Rupert's life lately.

Once you get the complete results, let us know. Donna, we're here for you.

They said his right kidney was adhered to his liver lobe. They don't think it had anything to do with the bug bite, although he was in the yard again where it happened and I fell completely responsible that I did not take him in sooner.

Donna... your pain - it is so raw. I can feel it through these posts.

I don't understand what the autopsy revealed? Are they saying that for some unknown reason his organs started to hemorrhage? Was there any damage to his organs or some internal injury? How tragic to not know. I would think the kidney attached to the liver is just a defect, but not one that would cause spontaneous hemorrhaging.

Could whatever bit him have been toxic to his system?

I hope your husband can get some more information from the vet tomorrow about what could have caused this. Hugs.

Donna-
A few years ago I lost Jewel, at the age of 7. She had suffered a severe anaphylaxic reaction, possibly to a bee sting. She was lethargic and I took her to my vet, by the time I got there, she was bleeding internally. They had asked if she had gotten into rat poison, but I knew she hadn't. She ended up needing Vitamin K injections and a plasma transfusion. She ended up spending a week in the ER. I had to carry an epi-pen with me because she had such a intense reaction. She ended up passing away two years later from complications from severe IBD and when the biospy came back, she had precancer cells on all of her organs they biopsied. I wonder if what Rupert had was similar to my experience with Jewel.

Donna wrote:and I fell completely responsible that I did not take him in sooner.

Please don't feel responsible. No matter what the reason was, Rupert couldn't have gotten better care than what you gave him.

LisaIzzyAggy wrote:

Donna wrote:and I fell completely responsible that I did not take him in sooner.

Please don't feel responsible. No matter what the reason was, Rupert couldn't have gotten better care than what you gave him.

This is what I want to say too Donna. He knows you loved him, and you can't blame yourself. Awful things happen for reasons none of us can explain.

TxAllieGrl wrote:

LisaIzzyAggy wrote:

Donna wrote:and I fell completely responsible that I did not take him in sooner.

Please don't feel responsible. No matter what the reason was, Rupert couldn't have gotten better care than what you gave him.

This is what I want to say too Donna. He knows you loved him, and you can't blame yourself. Awful things happen for reasons none of us can explain.

What Lisa & Allie said... You took fantastic care of your pugs, and sometimes crappy stuff happens. No way could you have known.

TxAllieGrl wrote:Awful things happen for reasons none of us can explain.

I was inconsolable when Jack died. I cried myself to sleep many nights. I know it seems impossible, but you WILL get through this. Rupert would want you to. And we will be here for you.

[quote="Maryjo"]

TxAllieGrl wrote:

LisaIzzyAggy wrote:

Donna wrote:and I fell completely responsible that I did not take him in sooner.

Please don't feel responsible. No matter what the reason was, Rupert couldn't have gotten better care than what you gave him.

This is what I want to say too Donna. He knows you loved him, and you can't blame yourself. Awful things happen for reasons none of us can explain.

What Lisa & Allie said... You took fantastic care of your pugs, and sometimes crappy stuff happens. No way could you have known.[/quote
Donna, I agree completely with Allie, Lisa, and Maryjo. You loved Rupert, and he knew it and loved you back. Please please don't blame yourself - there is no way that you could have known. You are one of the best pugmoms and pugfostermoms around. The liver is very fragile, and the adhered kidney could have torn it. Or it could have been an allergic reaction. I have come very close to dying a couple of times from allergic reactions and know how they can happen with no warning and can be delayed reactions. You gave Rupert and give Viv and your fosters the best care possible. This is not your fault. Honest. I am holding you in my thoughts and prayers.

Oh Donna, I can only imagine how I would feel if I was in your place and I know that I too would be torn in half. I can't offer much insight as to what could have caused this horrible experience, but you did what any of us would have done. You can't expect yourself to be "all knowing" no matter how much we'd like to be when it comes to matters with our pugs.

I just sat in my car on the way home last night after reading about this and sobbed. I haven't met you or Rupert, but I feel the loss like I had. We all loved that sweet, happy boy and I think it effected me as much as it did cause I have always thought of Rupert to be just like my Hanky. I know you don't want to live without him, but Viv really needs you too.... she is enough of a reason to heal. Her love will help heal your broken heart, I promise. I have only lost two dogs and one destroyed me, but even at the darkest times, my babies that were still with me could make me smile. I wish I could do something to lessen you pain.

Donna, the first thing ANY of us do when we lose a Pug unexpectedly and in tragic circumstances, is question what we could have differently; how we should have known; how we could have been quicker to react, how IT'S ALL OUR FAULT.... Donna, the absolute truth is if you had the most minute inkling that something was amiss and what was going on any earlier, you would have reacted then, but you didn't. You did everything that the most wonderful Pug-mother and carer could do. You did everything ANY of us would do. Blaming yourself is the first reaction but you have to push that thought away.

From all that you say, what was going on could not possibly be diagnosed without some serious diagnostic examinations. I simple external exam would not have revealed anything so serious. It is a horrible, heartbreaking tragedy that you could never have foreseen.

Donna, I know what you're going through right now. I REALLY do. This is the worst time and it will get better. You may not believe it can, but it does.

And I honestly feel June was sent to you right now for a reason. Especially with Viv accepting her. It's how I felt with Imi after Puck died.

I hope peace embraces you soon.

Aussie Witch wrote:Donna, the first thing ANY of us do when we lose a Pug unexpectedly and in tragic circumstances, is question what we could have differently; how we should have known; how we could have been quicker to react, how IT'S ALL OUR FAULT.... Donna, the absolute truth is if you had the most minute inkling that something was amiss and what was going on any earlier, you would have reacted then, but you didn't. You did everything that the most wonderful Pug-mother and carer could do. You did everything ANY of us would do. Blaming yourself is the first reaction but you have to push that thought away.

From all that you say, what was going on could not possibly be diagnosed without some serious diagnostic examinations. I simple external exam would not have revealed anything so serious. It is a horrible, heartbreaking tragedy that you could never have foreseen.

Donna, I know what you're going through right now. I REALLY do. This is the worst time and it will get better. You may not believe it can, but it does.

And I honestly feel June was sent to you right now for a reason. Especially with Viv accepting her. It's how I felt with Imi after Puck died.

I hope peace embraces you soon.

Rona said everything much better than I could. Please don't blame yourself, we all know how much you love your babies and how you would do anything for them. Sometimes life just isn't fair.

I have to agree with Saira here... Rona said it better than any of us could.

My husband has severe allergies, and it can cause damage in him for weeks after an exposure. Sometimes, the reaction can be delayed. It may be that whatever got Rupert when he was outside caused some internal toxicity that eventually caused his organs to bleed out. You may never know - but, you should know that you did NOTHING to cause any of this. You did everything right, that all of us would have done.

I think most of us on here have lost a dog one way or the other. The plain shock of this, being unprepared makes this that much more painful for you. No doubt about it - you were dealt the worst hand possible. This is not even remotely fair.

Please don't blame yourself, I think when they go so unexpectedly it is so much harder. Everyone else has so eloquently stated it, I don't really have anything else to add except that we're here for you. I remember how awful it was when I lost Nadine but it will get better. Hugs from Texas.

Donna:
Not much to add, except to ditto the try not to blame yourself advice. It's almost impossible not to--it's a pretty natural response. But one thing I try to tell myself when I get into the "If only I'd done this or that" mind set is to remind myself that I'm not omniscient or prescient or as powerful as I wish I were. Some things just can't be predicted or prevented--and it sounds like that is the case with Rupert.

Not that Theo's death is similar--except that it came out of left field in terms of cause. I was all prepared for his heart to quit on him, but sure wasn't prepared for the seizures. And, like you, I spent (and still do) too much time trying to figure out what I should have seen or done, etc.

My vet gave me really solid advice when I asked her this week about what I should have done. She said "Blanche, death happens. It may not be our friend, but it's not our enemy either. Theo lived a great two years with you. Two years he wouldn't have had otherwise. And when he died--it was fairly quick as these things go and nothing you could have done would have prevented it. Nothing you could have noticed would have changed this outcome. Leave yourself alone and accept that death just happens. Sometimes death isn't the worst thing that can happen to a pet."

It was pretty blunt and kind of surprised me--but it's honest and it's truthful. It doesn't make the pain of the loss any better, but it does make me realize that some things I just can't impact--much as I want to.

northernwitch wrote: She said "Blanche, death happens. It may not be our friend, but it's not our enemy either.

This is actually quite beautiful.

I think we all second-guess ourselves and wonder what we missed, what we could have done, what bargain we could make with -whatever-higher-power- you choose. I think that it's a perfectly natural response. I hope in time, Donna, you'll come to see that you did everything possible for Rupert. I'm so, so sorry that you're going through this.

northernwitch wrote:"Blanche, death happens. It may not be our friend, but it's not our enemy either. Theo lived a great two years with you. Two years he wouldn't have had otherwise. And when he died--it was fairly quick as these things go and nothing you could have done would have prevented it. Nothing you could have noticed would have changed this outcome. Leave yourself alone and accept that death just happens. Sometimes death isn't the worst thing that can happen to a pet."

I cannot imagine wiser words to be spoken about the heartbreaking loss of a beloved pet.

Obviously, I don't know what the cause of the bleed out was, but I did think of hemolytic anemia and ITP. I've only dealt with these two diseases once with Maisie, but I think I remember hearing that IMHA (Immune mediated Hemolytic Anemia) and Thrombocytopenia can have sudden and severe onsets.